R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Never joke about your clitoris.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
