On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
