This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
