how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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