guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
