I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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