Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
