Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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