I hate all girls vehemently.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
