I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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