hell yes lets make some ravioli
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
