I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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