You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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