Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
