i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
