This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
