i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
No I am not eating basil off your cock
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
