In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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