I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
