note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
