i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
