Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
