Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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