How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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