drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize