Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
