he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
