Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
