A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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