It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
