she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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