If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
