i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
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I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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