I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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