Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
