i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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