My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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