It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
