i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
