And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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