i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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