so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
