found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
