I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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