A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
