so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
