he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
