So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
