i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
