We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
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