Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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