out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
