im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
