If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
