I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
