I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
