I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
