This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
