Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
