I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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