did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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