Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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