I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
