Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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