Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
