she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
