shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
