So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
