do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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