I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
