my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
