Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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