I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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