dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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