Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
