soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
