Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
