im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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