my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
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