How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
