"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
