Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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